The sexual freedom for women that came about as a result of the sexual revolution of the 1960’s just might be the biggest relationship set back ever (even bigger than texting). Today women have the ability to have sex outside of the traditional institution of marriage without the same judgment and stigma of the past. Casual sex is the new normal.
So much so that society has coined all sorts of catchy terms to describe it like friends with benefits, fuck buddy, booty call, and hook up.
There once was a time when it was unladylike, whorish, inappropriate, or even perverse for a woman to pick up a man and take him home solely for the purpose of doing the nasty. Now it is common and even expected. While I am all for sexual freedom and a woman’s right to choose, it seems that many of the choices that are being made by women today don’t end up with liberation, instead they get trapped.
Trapped in a cycle of meaningless sexual encounters that don’t get her any closer to what she is looking for: sexual satisfaction. Could it be that the she is missing some essential ingredients in her recipe? Intimacy, commitment, trust, loyalty.
There are some women who can have sex with no strings attached. However, many of them are hoping that it is going to turn into something it is not. Rarely does a relationship go from casual to committed. It is important that a woman know what she is in and what he is into.
While some men will take the time to please a woman that they are not intimately involved with, many will put their satisfaction first. Sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction are closely connected. If the nature of the relationship is causal than it is safe to conclude that his approach to her sexual satisfaction will be consistent with that: casual.
Evolutionary theory states that our main purpose, as a species, is to make babies. Because of this, so says the theory, women have necessarily developed adaptive strategies to ensure that the man they choose will devote his love and resources unselfishly to his partner and potential children. These adaptive strategies include requiring love, commitment, and sexual prowess from your man.
These same adaptive strategies are also important in establishing and maintaining the “pleasure bond”. The “pleasure bond” implies a “choice” to unselfishly devote one’s self to the fulfillment of someone’s emotional and physical needs. This means that he wants to do the work of pleasing her. The question is, will he, without the commitment of an intimate relationship?
Women are too readily available for sex and any other role that he may want to assign her. The sexually “liberated” woman gives of her self and her resources indiscriminately. And what does she get in return? Many women fall prey to the trap of empty promises and unrealistic expectations. Women are expecting the sexual prowess without the love and commitment. They get trapped in the role of booty call, baby mama, bank, cook, and housekeeper without any of the benefits of a real relationship. The friend with benefits gets no benefits at all. Instead she is left wanting, and sometimes trapped in her fantasy.