December 23, 2011 - Posted by DrMyrtleMeans

I once told my clients, “He/she is not going to come find you at your front door”. However, today with the Internet, they just might. Love could be right at your fingertips. Many people shy away from the Internet because they believe that only the desperate and deranged would look for love on a dating site. The truth, using social media may be one of the most efficient ways to find that special someone. You get the opportunity to meet people from all over the world with the click of a button. You just have to be smart about it.

Match.com, eHarmony, Black People Meet, Zoosk, Senior People Meet are just a few of the sites that offer individuals the opportunity to satisfy their desire for companionship. Not to mention the plethora of sites that you can log in to find like-minded people. Go to Facebook, NIng, Orkut…more people at your disposal. Relationships that range from casual to committed are available on the information super highway.

There are some things you need to know before you begin this process. Most importantly, you need to know what you are looking for. This includes the nature of the relationship as well as the type of person you are seeking. So before you go shopping be sure that you have written your list. In my book, The Recipe for Ecstasy, both my husband and I list our respective preferences (grocery list).  Here are a few of the items that were necessary to create my recipe:  tall, handsome, smart, loyal, kind, adventurous, loyal, fun. Start your list today.

After defining what you want, the next step is creating a profile the displays the best you. Put some thought into it.  Think of it as a your resume. It needs to be clear, concise, and clever. A good profile tells your potential matches enough about you to make a decision about your appropriateness for the position. At the same time it creates intrigue and leaves a person longing for more. Select a photo that displays your assets. Be honest in word and in photo. Don’t use a picture that is outdated or misleading. You want to be chosen for who you are, not who you use to be or want to be.

Honesty is the best policy. Stay in reality and please pay attention.  When looking for a partner, even if you are looking for something casual, consider every step of the process as important as the next. Read their profile carefully. Gather information.  Make an informed decision about their appropriateness for you. Ask questions. Even for the sites where you are matched, instead of choosing. Don’t blindly go with the picks that are assigned to you. No one knows how to satisfy your appetite better than you.

I liken dating to wine tasting. A person wants to see if they are interested in a glass (something to whet the appetite) or a cellar full (something to last a lifetime). The process is not a hurried one. Read the label, pour, sniff, swirl, sip, swallow, and reflect.

Dating is like a part-time job. It requires time, attention, and a stomach for disappointment.Don’t expect to find that special someone right away. You will need to be patient and persistent.  One of the downsides to using the Internet involves chemistry. The picture may be attractive, interest may be similar, conversation may flow, however, you can’t assess chemistry until you are in the same place at the same time.  It cannot be cooked up over the cell towers.

It is not necessary to meet every prospect. Some you can weed out early in the process. When you decide to meet someone in person, be smart and safe. Please don’t meet them at their home or hotel room. Guys this goes for you too.  Women can be devious. What if she brings her accomplish along to subdue and harm you? Meet at a public place.

Just as the Internet can be helpful, it can also be harmful. People play games and tell lies. Like the married man who is looking to find a part-time lover. Or the alcoholic who says she doesn’t drink.  One of the biggest pitfalls is that it creates an illusion of intimacy. People say things via computer that they may not say face to face. You may really feel like you are getting to know someone. But you must get beyond their screen name and their “representative” before you know whom you are truly dealing with. Remember this is a process.

While the Internet can be used to start relationships, it has also been known to end a few.  Some people just cant resist the temptation of having so much access. Access to their ex, their crush, their boss, and their neighbor. Just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should. Be smart about it.  Don’t use the Internet as a crutch; use it as a tool. Every now and then walk up to someone, smile, and say “hello”. There is nothing wrong with trying it the old fashioned way.

3 Responses to “Social Media, the Internet, and Dating”

  1. Ogun says:

    Thanks alot – your asnewr solved all my problems after several days struggling

  2. DrMyrtleMeans says:

    I am glad to see I am making a difference.

  3. Hi, i think that i saw you visited my blog so i came to “return the favor”. I am trying to find things to improve my website! I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!…


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