January 5, 2013 - Posted by DrMyrtleMeans

While forgiveness has many definitions, some that you will find below, it is still such a difficult thing to conceptualize. How does one do it? How long does it take? Should I forgive or should I stay angry forever?

Oprah Winfrey tells us: forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could’ve been any different. Nothing can change the past. There needs to be acceptance. It is what it is. Now what do you want to do about it? When it comes to forgiveness, the choices one makes are important.

Standing still, inhibited by anger and resentment, primarily affects it’s host. Anger eats away at the joy and excitement that might otherwise be present. Lingering negative emotions interfere with a person’s ability to grow, experience  life, and express love . These feelings leave a person living in fear of being disappointed, hurt, or betrayed. Will he or she hurt me? This is an easy one. Absolutely, the aforementioned will occur. Humans are subject to err. Therefore the question is not if but when.

The inability to forgive will eat away at the soul of a relationship, causing distance where there should be intimacy, resentment where there should be adoration, alienation where there should be partnership, pain where there should be pleasure, regression where there should be growth.

In successful relationships forgiveness plays an integral role. However, it is not easily achieved. Forgiveness is a process that starts with a conscious decision to let go. I can’t tell you how long it takes. The process is different for everyone. It involves another process: grieving. Both require time, the one thing that could heal all wounds, if healing is desired.

The definition of forgiveness that I refer to in times of need is from the movie Antoine Fischer: regard without ill will despite an offense. Therefore, it does not matter how horrible the act. Lately, Chris Brown and Rihanna have been in the media because of the alleged rekindling of their relationship. I don’t have an opinion about whether or not she should be with him. We all make our own choices. However, I do know that forgiveness is necessary.  In relationships things happen. People fight, lie, cheat, betray. We are all faced with the same question, now what?

Tell me your answer.

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