April 30, 2013 - Posted by DrMyrtleMeans

Some people believe that a woman’s place is inside of the home. Her value as a homemaker, a parent, and a nurturer is unparalleled by man.  There are many women whose lives reflect this line of thought. She cooks and cleans all day. She insures that her family is well fed (in every since of the word). But for many, this is not enough. Some of us have dreams and ambition that extend beyond the parameters of the kitchen.

Today, after some hard fought battles, women can do and become almost anything. I say almost because we have not quite obtained equality. Historically, women have been treated as second-class citizens. She has been labeled the temptress, the “emotional” one, nag, and bitch. Now we are getting a bad rap for wanting to work and support ourselves. To be treated equal, is to be labeled a home-wrecker.

We had to fight for the right to vote. We are still fighting to keep the right to make decisions about our own bodies.  Women are under paid in the work place when compared to our male counterparts. We are passed over for promotion, and encouraged to stay home. Home is where the heart is, but living takes place in the world.

As an out spoken ambitious African-American female, I understand the dilemma all too well. On one hand, I wanted to stay at home with my children because I know the value of the mother-child bond. At the same time, I am a self-employed psychologist who supports my family as a primary breadwinner.

It is hard for me to imagine not working. My lifestyle requires a two-income household. My husband and I must work tirelessly everyday to ensure our families future. I would not have it any other way. I am entitled to my dreams.  And I do what’s necessary to see them realized.

Therefore, I came up with a compromise: home practice.  I have been a stay at home mom who works full-time. Dropping my baby off with strangers was not an option for me. I know there are women who have no other recourse. I assume that daycare is a very difficult sacrifice for them.

Some women work from home, work part-time, take their children to work, or something in between in efforts to be the primary caregiver. We are available for boo-boos, soccer, and frying the bacon that we earn. And still this isn’t good enough. So what’s the problem?

Some authors contend that the women’s movement has ruined the family. I expect to hear this from men. However, I am surprised to hear it from women like   Dr. Laura. I don’t believe the movement is responsible for “shacking up” and “unwed mothers”. Low self-esteem is the culprit. She attributes it to self-centeredness. Conversely, there is a lack of “self” inherent in these choices.

A self-assured woman wants to be treated a certain way: with respect and kindness. She does not have to disappear for her mate to be seen. She will choose a man who will unselfishly commit his resources to her and their offspring as well as the offspring of any man who came before him (he will raise his stepchildren without contempt). Some would call this “cuckolding”. I considerate it generous and loving.

A good man will appreciate the sacrifices his woman makes to be a mother, wife, breadwinner, decision maker, dish washer, confidant, caregiver, mind-reader, lover…A good woman will take on all these roles while still honoring her man. The woman who “wears the pants” emasculates her man. A man who doesn’t handle his business can’t get respect from a woman. Balance is important in any union (marriage or long-term relationship). All of him added to all of her equals 1 whole relationship. If he wants to be the head of the household, I say, “Charge ahead!” Us girls are too busy running the world. Don’t hate us for it.

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