As of today, I have been married for 13 years. I actually have two wedding anniversaries. The first is January 22, 2004. I was married to Martin Wesley Muhammad at the Justice of the Peace in a room full of strangers in a mass wedding. It was hilarious. I actually thought we might not be granted our marriage license because we caught the giggles in the middle of the ceremony. While our decision to get married early was motivated by the fact that I was pregnant, it was not a shotgun wedding. We were already engaged to be married. You might say we got married sooner for our first born child. Thus, she would not be born out of wedlock (and we would have more health insurance). Exactly four months later, I was married to the same man on May 22, 2004 in front of friends and family. If you would have told me then what I know now, I would not believe it. As a matter of fact, the content of this blog is a surprise for me and I’m writing it. Then I was strictly opposed to staying married for your children. My how times have changed.
People who agree with the following statement don’t understand the nature of trust: “I trust until a person gives me a reason not to trust them”. Trust should be earned; trust should never be blindly given. It should develop over time after putting in work. In a new relationship there are so many variables to consider. The number one priority is getting to know a person. Ascertaining a person’s trustworthiness will be a part of this process. But don’t rush it. Trust involves reliability and consistency. These things can only be assessed over time.
In the early days, trust means believing in things seen. Thus a person must “show and prove”. Your job is to pay attention. Are a person’s words and actions congruent? Is there a consistent pattern of behavior that has been observed over time? Keep in mind that everyone is on their best behavior in the earlier days (months) of a relationship. Therefore, it may take several months before you see the true individual.